Sunday 20 April

Bits and Pieces.


Mon 21 Apr – Bruschetta for lunch today! [click] for recipe.



Yes, there really is a village called “Twatt”, and believe it or not, Finstown and Kirkwall too! Twatt is a small settlement on the mainland of the Orkney Islands, Scotland. It was previously the location of a RNAS airfield, HMS Tern. Not a lot of people know that!
Actually twatt, with one T, is an old Anglo-Saxon word meaning someone who was a bit simple, stupid if you like, i.e., the village idiot. Like the word “gay” the word “twatt” has a new meaning these days, but we wont go into that. We have a few idiots running the country. That old word describes them very well.


Why do shops, magazines, newspapers,leaflets and all the rubbish that drops through the letterbox (‘mailbox’ in the Colonies) always state something like “Buy one NOW, and get your FREE gift”? I thought that all gifts were free anyway, that’s the general idea. Thinking about it, most of these so-called ‘free gifts’ are not. If you have to spend over £40 or something to get your ‘free gift’ then it’s not free is it? Especially when the vendor has increased the price of the product to cover the cost of the ‘free gift’.
It’s like being arrested for carrying or using ‘an offensive weapon’. Let’s face it, ALL weapons are offensive, that’s what they are made for.


A friend went into a hardware store recently and asked the foreign looking owner if he had any large grommets. The shopkeeper looked puzzled and said “I’m sorry, but I am not understanding what you mean”. So my friend explained that they are round thingys made of rubber, or even plastic, that you insert into a hole to protect whatever you push through to make sure that it doesn’t get chaffed or cut.
He came out with a packet of condoms. You knew that was coming didn’t you?



Due to the current outbreak of Man Flu it is more important than ever to wash your hands at least once a week – it won’t hurt you.
Buy some Dettol sheets and wipe down the doorknobs, phones, toilet and light switches each night.

Just saying . . . . . .


Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Sunday 20 April

  1. Betsy says:

    We don’t use that word twatt here. Maybe Twit or Twerp, which probably has the same meaning.

    Yep, I was totally prepared for the condom joke. ha.

    I looked and looked for Dinky in that photo of your living room and couldn’t find her! haha.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    A Twit in an upperclass Twatt. Still an idiot, but better educated. Dinky was asleep in the plastic bag at the far end of the settee. – Keith.

  2. Never heard of a Twatt – but we have plenty of Twits and I agree they sit in the House of Commons and the House of Lords, are chief Executives to all major companies and all our important financial institutions – they all make the big decisions wrongly.

    Together they probably would not be able to tell the difference between a grommet and a condom and would fall hook line and sinker for the free gift of a bottle of dettol offered for a life long prescription to “How to get rich quick without doing any work!”

    Love the living room, Keith!
    You should have taken a picture before you cleaned it! LOL

    Speak soon.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    “How to get rich quick without doing any work!” Is that how you made your first mi££ion Eddie? Can you send me a copy please?


    I’ll have you know that there is nothing wrong with my front room. I didn’t know whether to decorate in the “Art Nervous”, or “Art Deko” style, but in the end I decided on “Early Slum” style. It was quite cheap to do, I collected all the materials from my neighbours wheelie bin. Cost: £0 ! – Keith.

  3. Me again lol.

    Looking at your room I must say this is a classic case demonstating the second law of thermo-dynamics!

    “Uggh! wotszat?!”

    Things run down – chaos comes out of order. And the only way to reverse it is by applying intelligence and work to clean it up/repair it/refurb it/Eddie’s makeover, etc.

    Piffle! – K

    So Keith – get off your arse! Switch off the computer and get dusting and vacuuming!

    I leave all that sort of thing to the servants. – K


    Incidentally, as a matter of interest this law proves evolution is absolutely impossible! Order cannot come out of chaos. The whole universe is running down which leads one to ask, “Where did the order come from in the first place?”

    Cheers Keith – speak soon.

    “speak soon”. Is that a threat or a promise? – Keith.

    • Both lol
      Glad you managed to rustle up a meal for yourself and a video to watch!
      Bon appetit!

      . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
      It really is “yummy”. Too good to share, but I might share it with Betsy. **puts tongue out** – Keith.

      • No offence mate, but I wouldn’t share my last rolo sweet with you either!

        But I might with Betsy. if she calls me Darling! ROFL

        . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
        Chance would be a fine thing! – Keith.

  4. Betsy says:

    I love the addition of your lunch. And I really love your flatware! Beautiful!

    Flatware? We call it “cutlery” here. Actually I bought the set in France, it’s made by “Laguiole”. – Keith.

    • Never heard the word “Flatware” before!
      I suppose it is just a logical a choice of word as cutlery or “Eating Utensils”!

      • Betsy says:

        Or we call it silverware. Cutlery would be only the knives! Silly Englishmen! 🙂

        • Keith!
          Did you see what she called us?
          How do you put up with her?

          . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
          Because she’s lovely. She can insult me as much as she likes, but you try it and see what happens! I know where you live and I would send the BIG boys with the baseball bats round to show you the error of your ways, so there! – Keith.


  5. Scarlet says:

    I am familiar with twat… too familiar.
    And Herberts… nobody uses Herbert any more as a derogatory term, do they?

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    My ex-wife used to call me a twat, so I said to her once “It takes one to know one”. The next thing I heard was one of the ambulance men saying “Caw! Ain’t he heavy?”. The only Herbert I know is Herbert Ramsbottom who runs the local chippy (and he’s a biggest twat I know, because he reads my blog). – Keith.

  6. John says:

    Found your blog by accident today
    And have been hugely entertained by it

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    Thanks John, but you are not supposed to be entertained by it, you are supposed to weep and be miserable. Drat I’ve failed again! The bad news is that I cannot comment on your Blooger page, or any other Blooger page for that matter that uses that particular template because my IP address has been blocked. I can comment if I go to the library, the church, or an internet cafe, because they have a different IP address, obviously. – Keith.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    When you said on your blog that the shuttle was full of “track suit wearing, alcohol swigging, rude trailer trash type characters”, I didn’t realise that we had already met in person. – Keith.

  7. nick says:

    You’re right about the so-called free gifts. Obviously the product price is adjusted to allow for the “gift”. Which is usually something you don’t want or need anyway.

    I’m also tired of all the products that enable you to be entered in a prize draw. I don’t want to go into a prize draw, I just want the product.

    Incidentally, I’ve been to Kirkwall. It was a charming little place. My mother’s been there too, she served in the Orkneys during WW2.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *